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Excerpts From The FMSF Mailbox

FMSF News Alert - January 13, 2016

Dear Friends,

Christmas 2015

The letters this year truly capture the tragedy of false memories. Most of these excerpts are heartbreaking, yet in some there is still spirit. Who would have thought, for example, that USPS tracking solves the problem of knowing if gifts were delivered to grandchildren whose parents will not allow contact?

The letters are surely biased. Families that have reconciled are not likely to feel the need to write. We hope that those families have all moved forward and put the false memory fiasco far behind them.

We cannot deny nor can we forget that there are many families that have not and may never be reconciled. It is profoundly sad. Parents cling to hope. This year we learned of one mother and daughter who reconnected after 26 years.

Pamela


FMS is still alive in Canada. I visited my family on the other coast of the country and had a wonderful visit but... . I found a book on the shelf in the house that amazed me: The Courage to Heal by Bass and Davis. Bass on the bookshelf not only amazes me, it also scares me! Should I talk to my son’s wife?

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I continue to rely on your newsletters to remind me of how the FMSF rescued my husband and me in the mid-90s. Our son and his wife have not changed their beliefs that we molested our grandchildren who are now in their late 20s.

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I am now 93 years old and having a very hard time. The reason is that my wonderful wife passed away recently. Her last words were "Where are my daughters? Then she looked at me and said ‘I love you’" Then she closed her eyes. She was 85 years old. We have not seen or heard from our daughters for 23 years. My bags are packed. I am waiting for the call to join my wife.

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There is still no return after 20 years, although our daughter has responded to family members in medical crises. I truly believe she wants a family but she just can’t let herself. She has two adorable daughters but we have only met them a few times. At holidays and birthdays, I mail small gift to each of the girls. On occasion we get a thank you email from their mom. Usually we do not hear anything. Good thing there is USPS tracking!

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My parents have now both passed away, so there will be no more contributions from them. They never did resolve things with their daughter who was a victim of FMS, but she did attend both funerals.

From the other daughter who observed the pain she inflicted on my parents.

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My eldest daughter has been estranged from me since 1991. I recently had my 83rd birthday and she called and asked if she could drop by. She brought me a beautiful present and she hugged me. I am not trying to analyze. I’m just savoring it!

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I had hoped that this would all be over by now. At least with the efforts of the Foundation it has not gotten worse. My family situation is still the same. I have no contact with the oldest daughters but I am very close with the youngest. I am thankful for that.

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Although it has been 25 years, we continue to hope.

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Enclosed is the most recent of the letters about FMS that I have had published in our newspaper. I continue to do what I can to rid the world of the parasites who practice the most destructive therapy ever to come down the Freudian pipeline.

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After my husband died, my daughter sent me a letter. The next year she came to visit. We talked about getting together but it did not happen. I did have a long talk with her husband on the phone. I asked him to have my daughter call me because I wanted to tell her about her sister who has cancer. She has not yet called. I wonder if she has written me off. I continue to send letters and gifts to my grandchildren but I never hear anything. All I can say is "It isn’t over until the fat lady sings."

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I wish I could say we are all reunited, but we are not. My daughter contacted a niece of mine about a year ago after the niece got married. My niece thought my daughter should contact me first. There has been no contact between them or me since. I do, however, try to keep in contact with any second or third party to my daughter. After ten years, I find I am doing this less and less.

I have not lost hope, but have decided to stop mourning our loss. Life is so short and I believe that she, not me, is the only one who can change this destiny. Please keep up the work of the FMSF.

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It is my sense that most people still uncritically accept recovered repressed memories as real. I bet that most do not even know that they have been, at the very least, called into question.

The FMSF has done a great deal, the job is not done.

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We are all getting older, aren’t we? And yet things stay the same. We are thankful to still be here and we appreciate all the work that the FMSF has done for all of us.

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Even though my wife and I have dropped out of the false memory fray, we still have unresolved matters in our family after all these years. My eldest daughter continues to stand firmly in her accusatory position of me. We no longer discuss this and she has retired and remarried a fine guy. We see each other occasionally and speak more often and pleasantly, but the elephant is still in the room.

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Several months ago, I read a very thorough review of post partum depression in the New York Times. The description of the bizarre and extreme behavior of women at this time in their lives brought to mind our own daughter. When I first read her letter of accusation, I said that the words were not hers. I began to realize that her Dad and I did not understand what she had gone through.

I contacted her. She came to see me and we discussed the situation. We learned that she had divorced her husband and was handling her life nicely.

Unfortunately her Dad died without knowing this. She and I and her sibling are now attending family functions together and we are making up for lost time.

The Foundation was so helpful to us during that ugly period of our lives that I will always continue my membership. At present I am content to be living in an assisted living facility near to family. I will soon celebrate my ninety-second birthday.


Pamela and J. Bean